Hi, everybody. I hope you are well. I have been recording videos in lieu of writing blogs recently, but something in me just wanted to write today. I find writing to be more cathartic than the videos. Anyway, I titled this entry “Cancer is Never Just Cancer.” There is so much truth in that statement, and I have said it multiple times. The most recent reminder was a letter from my insurance company last week. It kindly informed me that as of July 1st, Moffitt will be out-of-network. As if cancer isn’t expensive enough! That had me a bit stressed for a few days; however, with the help of my insurance agent (aka Dad), I think we have it figured out. I will go to the financial office at Moffitt tomorrow or Tuesday when I’m there to validate the information with a supervisor just in case.
Sometimes when I write, I get pulled away in the process. I started this entry from my chemo chair on Tuesday, and now it’s Thursday and I’m getting back to it. I say that so you know why my thoughts are disjointed at times. The pauses mess with the flow of my thoughts, but if I’m honest, my thoughts are highly disjointed most of the time.
I walked for about 30 minutes with some friends this morning, then we went to Ladies’ Bible Class, and next was a follow-up appointment at the oral surgeon so he could sign a form saying I was okay to resume my Prolia shot—like I said, “Cancer is never just cancer.” I’m a bit worn out this afternoon, but that’s a good thing. I feel like I was somewhat productive. Most times, it gets depressing the week after chemo because I feel like I lay around a lot. I try to get up and move, but the energy is not there. Thankfully, the following two weeks are better. I FaceTimed with Kylie and Miles for a few minutes when I got home. Seeing his face and hearing him babble or laugh brightens my day 100 times over. He’s just the best.
I see God’s hand in how my day has unfolded. I have follow-up scans tomorrow. If you have cancer, you know about “scanxiety.” I have been apprehensive about the scans, but I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had much opportunity to think about them today. I ask for your prayers that the doctors will catch anything that needs to be addressed, or better yet, that the chemo is still working to keep my cancer stable. I often get asked if I am in remission. Unfortunately, no. I will never be in remission. I could have a scan that shows No Evidence of Disease (NED), which would be ideal, but there is no cure for MBC (metastatic breast cancer). I have responded extremely well to the chemo I have been on (Enhertu) over the last five years. It’s designed to slow the growth, keep my tumors stable, or improve the disease. Praise God for His mercy and grace to allow me these years on a reasonably tolerable chemo. I know there so many people who are dealing with long-term illnesses, especially cancer. It not only affects the patients but the caregivers as well. I won’t list specific names, but I do ask for your prayers for all of those going through their own journey. God knows them by name. Thank you.
I think that’s all I have for now. Everyone in the family is well, and we continue to work on organizing the house. I have several trips coming up which give me something to look forward to. I love that!
My life is an open book; join me for the next chapter…
About 10 and a half years ago, I was diagnosed with metastatic (Stage 4) breast cancer. The future felt completely uncertain—I had no idea what to expect. My entire world turned upside down in a single afternoon. I was 43 years old, had been married for 22 years, and my oldest son had just started his senior year of high school while my youngest was just beginning his freshman year. I remember thinking, “Just let me see them graduate.”
A few weeks after my diagnosis, my good friend Syndi—who had also faced her own cancer battle—told me something that stuck with me. She said our mutual friend Deb had once encouraged her to start praying that she would rock her grandbabies. Syndi said she would be praying that same prayer for me. At the time, it felt like such a distant hope, but I began praying it too—that one day, I would get to rock my own grandchildren. I have prayed that prayer often and with all my heart. Well, God answered—with a BIG yes.
I have just boarded an airplane in Santa Barbara, CA, heading back to Tampa, FL. Todd and I had the best week with Caleb and Kylie. They h ave given us (and so many others) the greatest gift… Miles Grayson Beggs.
Let me back up.
In September, Caleb and Kylie called—nothing out of the ordinary since we FaceTime all the time. But when they zoomed in with the phone, there it was: an ultrasound picture on the screen. She was pregnant! I had just been with them a month earlier and had no idea. Apparently, one night Kylie woke up feeling off, took a pregnancy test, and got that life-changing positive. The wildest part? They knew while I was visiting and kept it secret for three days—seriously, how did they pull that off? Lol! Everyone was over the moon, and I immediately started praying for Kylie and the baby’s health.
The First Ultrasound
They did find out the gender right away but planned to wait until Christmas so we could all be together for the big reveal. Problem was, I am not exactly the most patient person—this grandma-to-be was dying to know. I could not wait to start buying tiny, gender-specific outfits and accessories.
Finally, in November, they caved. Both families were gathering at Jon and Kim’s house (they are Miles’s grandparents too), and Caleb and Kylie set up a FaceTime call to share the news. It meant so much to Caleb that everyone be there for the moment. Little did we know, Jon and Kim had a surprise of their own—they had flown the new parents in for the reveal! Todd and I, the great-grandparents (Sondra, Karl & Lea), and Uncle Lukey and Aunt Ash were in total shock. (The Polizzi family was all in this undercover secret.)
And then… IT’S A BOY! Being able to celebrate that moment together was unforgettable. We will never thank Kim and Jon enough for making it so special.
Gender Reveal
In December, they had a couple’s shower and a separate shower just for the mom-to-be—and they were definitely showered with love (and tons of gifts!). I am so grateful I got to be part of it all.
Baby Showers
Not only had they kept us guessing the baby’s gender, but they also kept the name a secret—I was not sure we would know the name before he was born. But on Christmas morning, Graison (Kylie’s sister/cousin) and Luke (Caleb’s brother) got one final gift… from “Miles Grayson Beggs.”
What a perfect name! We all fell in love with it. It is even more meaningful because Miles is named after Graison. She and Caleb were extremely close from the beginning of his and Kylie’s relationship, and that special bond made her the perfect namesake for this little guy.
Miles was due on April 18, 2025, but a few weeks before that Kylie was measuring small, so they checked her amniotic fluid with an ultrasound—it was right at the low end of normal. She went in for a stress test and was scheduled for another one plus an ultrasound on April 14. When she did not pass the stress test, they sent her straight to the hospital. That is when it really hit home—getting the call that she had been admitted.
After an easy delivery and just TEN minutes of pushing, Miles Grayson Beggs made his grand entrance: 6 pounds 12 ounces and 19½ inches long. Wow! It was not just a baby who was born that day—new parents (and grandparents!) were born too.
Todd and I had our tickets booked for April 20th, and those last few days felt like they would never end. When Sunday finally arrived, we flew across the country to meet our very first grandson. I will never forget that first glimpse of him—pure perfection, joy, and so much hope.
I honestly cannot put into words what went through my mind every time I looked at him this week—it is a kind of love I never knew was possible. Like my friend Susan said, “We love our children with all our he arts; we love our grandchildren with all our souls.” My arms feel empty right now. They will always ache to hold him. So many moments were etched on my heart this week, but here are a few highlights:
Watching Todd become completely enamored with his first grandchild. He even took the night shift all week so they could have their quiet time together. Miles slept; Todd did not. The way he sang to, talked to, and looked at Miles would make any woman fall in love all over again.
Seeing my infant son in the face of his infant son while I held him wearing the same outfit we brought Caleb home from the hospital in.
Seeing my little boy and his high school sweetheart evolve into purely at ease, natural parents. They are already strengthening their bond as they mutually love, raise, and advocate for this tiny human.
And, of course, rocking and reading to my first grand child.
So, what does this have to do with my cancer blog?
I want to give newly diagnosed patients or those in the trenches of treatment hope to hold on to. Dream big even when it seems impossible, stay positive, and never give up on God. I have written about this before, but Stacy’s words are a constant reminder, “Stages do not mean anything to God.” How right she is!
I need the reminder for myself even 10+ years later.
When I am gone, I want Miles as well as my future grandchildren to know how much I love them – purely, selflessly, unconditionally, and with an overflowing heart.
Thank you to all who have joined me in prayer: to rock my grandchildren and for Kylie and Miles’s health throughout the pregnancy and delivery. I ask that you continue to pray for them as they raise Miles in a Godly home – for them to have wisdom, provide strong Christian examples, and parent him with gentleness and love. I appreciate you.
I have not done the best job of conveying my feelings with words. As I am still trying to process this new role as “BB,” some feelings are resigned to stay in my heart for now. Something that I did and I will be encouraging my daughters-in-law (Kylie & Ashton) to do, is to begin praying for their future daughters/sons-in-law RIGHT NOW. I cannot tell you what a blessing it is to have these two ladies in my life. They love my sons and that is all I can ask for. Well, that and loving their mother-in-law. I pray that Kylie, and as Ashton follows her into motherhood one day, can see things from a mother-in-law perspective. I have always felt loved and respected by them. Something that Kylie has done that I wish I had done more of is nag, yes nag, Caleb/Todd until he they call their momma. The apple does not fall far from the tree, and Caleb would have the tendency to be like Todd in this area. They care about mom; they love mom; they want to know what is happening in mom’s life, BUT, neither are phone people and putting off the call because of the busyness of life seems “right” at the time. So, thank you Kylie for keeping up with me and strongly encouraging Caleb to do so, too, especially while living on the other side of the country. I apologize to you, Peggy, for not doing better in this area. Please know that we both love and adore you. (You too, Tracy.) This does not describe Luke’s personality. If you know him, you know. Ashton got my talker, and she is perfectly suited to handle this wonderfully unique man. I thank God for my growing family.
My life is an open book; join me for the next chapter…
I thought my last entry was going to be the final one for 2024. But, as I sit here in my chemo chair, I decided to write one more. There is just too much going on in the Beggs’ Family not to share. Mid-December, my mom and I headed to TN for a week of birthday celebrations. Grammy turned 80! We went to Garrett and Autumn’s for a dinner of my mom’s favorite foods. It was good to spend time and catch up with them. On Wednesday, her actual birthday, we had dinner at Kristi and Aunt Lynnie’s house with all the family. It was a special night to celebrate Grammy and Aunt Lynnie (who turned 80 earlier in the year.) We had a good visit and went to some fun, festive events before we headed home to finish getting ready for Christmas. Caleb and Kylie have been home for a week now, and it has been so special. Our Christmas was perfect. Luke and Ashton went over to her mom’s house. They made breakfast and spent time with her in the morning. Caleb and Kylie spent Christmas morning at her family’s house. Afterward, they had brunch. They all came back to our house around noon, and we celebrate together – along with Grammy, of course. We started pulling names and setting a price limit on the amount everyone can spend last year. Even with doing that, we still had SO many presents under the tree. We always follow the Palmer tradition. We open one gift at a time. This way, everyone can see what everyone else gets. It does take longer, but it is a lot of fun, too. We followed that up with naps, playing games, organizing our gifts, etc. That night, we went over to the Polizzi’s (Kylie’s family) and had the best Christmas dinner made by Kim. She was born to be a hostess. I do not know how she does it; she is amazing!! The house was decorated beautifully, and the food was out of this world. The next day, Luke and Ashton closed on their first home. They are thrilled to be homeowners, and we are thrilled for them. On Friday night, the Christmas theme at the Polizzi’s changed. It became a Winnie the Pooh theme for a couple’s shower for Caleb and Kylie. They had a great turn out, and, once again, Kim (and the whole family) outdid themselves. As you can tell, we are all super excited about our first grandson. Caleb will have to leave on Saturday, but Kylie will stay an extra week. She will have another shower on Saturday, a ladies’ brunch. Then, on January 9, we will all go to watch Luke get presented with his white coat. He will start his clinical rotations the next Monday. It is a blessed time in our lives. I can’t help but to think about the last 10 years – time spent wondering if I would be around to see these milestone events. Here I am…still enjoying my family and friends, still seeing God’s glory, still making memories. I am thankful to everyone. You supported me over the last year through encouraging words. Thank you for helping with the chemo bags, the financial support, prayer, and so much more. I am headed into 2025 with a positive outlook and a deepened faith in God. My next scans are at the beginning of February. I am expecting to get good results, and I will keep you all posted. My prayer is that each of you will have a healthy and joyful New Year. Until next time…
My life is an open book; join me for the next chapter…
I have been meaning to write this journal entry for a few weeks, but I am just now getting around to it. A few weeks ago, I was vacuuming the house, the whole house. It was during a good week when I was motivated and energized to get things done. I used to do it all the time. I am what my mom refers to as a “messer-upper – cleaner-upper.” Before cancer, I worked full-time as a teacher, and I put 100% of myself into my job. I loved it. And with two young boys, we were always busy afterschool with church, sports, and other activities. Saturdays were my clean the house days. As a wife, mother, homeowner, it is what we do – keep the house clean. Vacuuming was part of my routine. When I completed that chore, I would move onto the next. It was not a big deal. However, after ten years on chemo, I was physically done when I got to the last room. While finishing up the final room, I got to thinking about my life before cancer, and I started to miss who I was. I missed me. Instead of going onto the next thing that needed to be completed, I was saying a prayer thanking God that I did not fall the couple times that I had stumbled, nor did I pass out. Then the next thing had to be something that could be done while I sat for forty-five minutes or so. I was thinking about the unfairness that I cannot do what other people my age can do. I do not have the energy or stamina to go, go, go. And if I do not do it in the morning, forget it. My body starts to shut down around 4:00-5:00 pm.
Several days later, Caleb and Kylie were going to do a gender reveal via FaceTime for all the family. We went to the Polizzi’s for dinner and the reveal. As Jon was getting the call set up and mirrored onto the TV, Caleb and Kylie came walking out of the house. I was S H O C K E D!! Caleb did not want to do the reveal until they could be here in person just before Christmas. Kim really wanted to know the gender as it makes it easier for the baby showers, so Jon flew them in from California. Other than the Polizzi’s, no one knew they were coming. It never occurred to me that they might be surprising us because they were already coming home for Christmas. I think Todd, Lea, and I are still wondering if it was all a dream. I know it was not just for me, but I will forever be grateful to Kim and Jon for making that special weekend happen. We found out that we are having a grandson. I know all about boys, so I am thrilled. (Even though I guessed the baby was going to be a girl.) I thought back to how I was feeling just a few days before – missing me. Then I thought about the lyrics from “This is Me” (The Greatest Showman.) The part where she sings “I am brave, I am bruised I am who I’m meant to be, this is me” resonated with me. I am me. I have more limitations now, and my life looks different from what I thought it would look like, but I am me. I needed to quit missing the old me and embrace the me that I am now.
So what if I cannot do things that the majority of 53 year olds can do.
This me…
· Is looking forward to becoming a grandmother.
· Is enjoying the excitement of Luke and Ashton buying their first home.
· Loves to FaceTime with my niece and great niece.
· Gets to celebrate with my mom on her 80th birthday.
· Has the time to teach Ladies Bible Class each week.
· Is so proud to watch my boys grow and do well in the Space Force and PA school.
· Has the best two daughters-in-law that I can love and who love me back.
· Is part of a wonderful church family that is truly a family.
· Taught herself to crochet.
· Still enjoys crafting – making wreaths, cards, diy’s I see on TikTok…
· Loves being with Todd who still makes me laugh and makes me feel like I am on a pedestal.
· Wants to encourage others through texts, cards, phone calls, etc.
· Has the opportunity to give other cancer patients “chemo bags” each time I am at Moffitt.
· Is here to FaceTime with my daughter-in-law as she can see and feel the baby move for the first time.
· Gets to see a picture of my son’s face as he sees his son move for the first time in Kylie’s belly.
· Can thank God for answering prayers such as my dad and Janelle moving back to the northeast, my sister-in-law finding her cancer early and handling treatments well, and my father-in-law recovering from hip surgery. (That is just a few answered prayers; there are so many more.)
· Can study the Bible and develop a deeper relationship with God.
· Is looking forward to her nephew getting married this spring and is extremely proud of his fiancée getting accepted into all the med schools she applied to.
· Is blessed with a fantastic family (parents, sisters, aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews…) and fantastic friends who understand my limitations.
I could go on and on.
As we enter this week of Thanksgiving, I hope that you will stop and ponder what you are thankful for in your life. Remember to thank God for all that he does for you. He gives me so much more than I deserve, and I will be grateful and praise him everyday of the year. When I start to get discouraged because of what I cannot do anymore, I will remember what a blessing it is to be alive. What a blessing it is to be ME.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families.
My life is an open book; join me for the next chapter…
Hi, all. I have had something weighing on me lately and that’s my book of journal entries that I would like to publish. These are something I have kept and will continue to write throughout my cancer adventures. My hope was to have the book published by August because that will be my 10th Cancerversary. (I recognize my cancerversaries as the day I was diagnosed.) However, it’s not looking like I will have it ready by August.
Todd is in the transition of switching his schedule from nights to days. Yay! And lately he keeps saying that he goes into the day with a plan but hardly gets any of his “to-do” list completed because of interruptions. I can remember saying the exact same thing when I was a guidance counselor. I also hear my sister say the same thing in her corporate job. But isn’t that life? We plan for how our day or week is going to look and then something comes up that we must take care of. The big items or must do items get finished, but the other things on our list get moved to tomorrow or go by the wayside. Life is simply a series of interruptions. Proverbs 16:9 says, “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” Perhaps our interruptions are God saying, “This is more important today.” I don’t know, but I do know that my days rarely look the way I had intended for them to look.
And so it goes with my book. I am still going to publish it; it just might be later in the fall or by Christmastime. I have decided to not let it worry me or cause me stress. I will work on it when I am able, and if I continue to get interrupted, then so be it. I will complete it when it’s meant to be completed.
On another note, things are going very well. Each day that God decides to extend my life is a blessing, and I will look to Him to determine my steps. As I said, Todd is transitioning back to days, and I feel like I’ve got my husband back. It brings me such happiness. I feel like Elf – “I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite.” It’s an answered prayer for sure.
I’m still on the same drug, Enhertu, and it is still doing what we want it to do. My cancer is remaining stable and that is our goal. I still have an infusion every 3 weeks and will continue to indefinitely. Having lived with cancer for just shy of 10 years now, I have changed and grown in countless ways. I am a better person than I would have been had I not had this huge interruption in my life. I see things in different ways, I feel deeper, I look at people with a softer attitude (I hope), and I value and nurture my relationships. The biggest plus is that it has brought me to a new understanding and closeness with God. That’s what it’s all about, right? It is to me anyway.
So, when you start to feel guilty or frustrated that you aren’t accomplishing what you had planned, don’t sweat it. Get the important things done, but perhaps you were meant to focus on the interruptions instead.
My life is an open book; join me for the next chapter…
I have often said that cancer is like a full-time job that I never applied for and cannot quit. This week has felt like that. I was at Moffitt on Monday for an infusion and Tuesday for an MRI. Both were long days. The MRI was scheduled due to an inconclusive spot that showed up on my CT scan. My last 3 scans have had “inconclusive” spots on the bones – first was the left ribs, second was the right ribs, and lastly was the cervical spine at the base of my neck. They have all turned out to be nothing. Some of the areas in the ribs were healing fractures, and others they think were taken care of by the chemo. I received a message yesterday that the spot at the base of my neck isn’t cancer either. Today, I am trying to rest and recover from the chemo I had on Monday. I can’t praise God enough!! He continues to bless me and extend my life. I strive to follow Him and keep His commandments. I am always astonished by His grace and mercy. I’m always grateful for your encouragement and prayers.
My life is an open book; join me for the next chapter…
I had the opportunity to present a short devotional at my congregation’s Ladies’ Tea about a week ago. I couldn’t decide what to speak about – friendship was my first thought but a bit predictable. I reached out to the beautiful lady who sends me daily messages to ask if I could use some of her thoughts. She was so sweet and said that I could use them any way I felt would encourage others. While headed down that path, I started thinking about various things I’m working on for myself. So, here is what I ended up with:
James 4:14 NLT Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
How often do we find ourselves physically present but mentally absent?
I want to talk with you today about something that I have been working on in my own life: living life in the present moment. In a world filled with constant distractions, it’s easy to lose sight of the beauty that exists in the here and now.
Think about a typical day. How often do we find ourselves absorbed in our devices, multitasking through all the notifications, emails, and social media updates? We spend time preparing dinner, helping with homework, and listening to our husbands tell us about their day – ALL AT THE SAME TIME. We may be physically present, but mentally, we’re scattered across a constant hum of digital noise, daily tasks, and worries of this world.
The concept of living in the moment is not about discarding technology or abandoning responsibilities. It’s about reclaiming our focus and rediscovering the richness that God has granted us in each passing moment.
We need to deliberately remove distractions so we can pay attention to the important things: spending time with God, appreciating His creation, and strengthening our relationships.
We can do this by setting boundaries with technology—designate specific times for checking emails or browsing social media, and then disconnecting to fully engage with the present moment. We can also slow down and do one thing at a time rather than trying to do everything at once.
Another strategy is to cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness is “a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment.” This practice involves noticing our thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment. When we tune into our senses—feeling the warmth of sunlight, savoring the taste of our meals, or actively listening to a friend’s words—we anchor ourselves in the now.
Living in the moment also means embracing the brevity of life. Life moves swiftly, and every experience is fleeting. You will never get that experience or moment back again. Remember the verse we just read in James? “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” By acknowledging this truth, we are more likely to fully appreciate and be grateful for the joy of each passing moment, whether it’s a shared laugh with loved ones, watching a toddler play, or going for a quiet walk on the beach or in nature.
Removing distractions and living in the moment is not always easy. It requires a conscious effort and a commitment to prioritize what truly matters. It would be easy for me to not be fully present at this tea because I know that on Monday I will have chemo. My thoughts could be on dreading that rather than enjoying each wonderfully decorated table, the scrumptious food, and the beautiful Christian sisters surrounding me. You may be dreading the workweek and letting those thoughts invade your present moment. Although not easy, the rewards of removing distractions are profound—improved relationships through deeper connections, less stress, better focus, a sense of calmness, and most importantly, a better relationship with God through prayer and study.
As we go forward, let’s challenge ourselves to live in the present—to show up fully in our lives and cherish the simple beauty of each unfolding moment. Remember, life is happening now. Let’s make the most of every moment.
After the Ladies’ Tea
My beautiful daughter-in-law’s table she hosted at the Tea.
Like I said, this is something that I’m working on right now. It takes practice. It takes giving yourself grace when you find yourself on your phone at the restaurant. My family says I’m on my phone too much. Mostly, I’m texting, but I’m just like most people out there, I get lost in the rabbit hole of social media. I’m better to not even go on it. Yes, I have certain apps on daily time limits, but let’s be honest, when I can click “1 more minute,” “15 more minutes,” or “Ignore limit for the day” it is so easy to tap that button.
James 4:14 keeps coming back to me and grounding me though. We know life is short; it says so right there in the Bible. If I know that, then why wouldn’t I want to embrace the present? The good and the bad. The present isn’t always nice and cheerful. Sometimes we must show up for the tough days. We need to fully be with the person who just said, “I’ve been diagnosed with cancer.” Or my friend or family member has been diagnosed. It doesn’t even have to be a medical diagnosis. Some may be grieving a loved one, a marriage, or the loss of a dream. Many are going through financial difficulties or job insecurity. Mental illness, anxiety, worry, and such are at an all time high. Embrace those moments, too, whether it’s you or you are with someone struggling. We need each other, and it’s times like these that will connect us and root our friendships firmly and deeply in our hearts. On the other hand, many moments are happy. I don’t want to get to the end and have missed out on those times because I let distracting thoughts or devices rob me of that moment.
I was able to have a happy moment when I returned to Fallen Oak Farms for a gentle stretch class followed by playing with baby goats and touring the farm. You might remember that I wrote a post about going there a few years back. Let me tell you, I didn’t think it could be more beautiful than the first time I visited, but I was wrong. There is now a greenhouse, spa room, and so much more tucked away where you’d never expect to see it. I was able to enjoy a gentle stretch class in the greenhouse with gardenias and mint on my mat for aromatherapy. I drank water from the aquifer with roses in it. I watched butterflies soar in and out of the flower gardens and ate leaves off a plant that tasted like pepper. I loved their caramels so much that I had to bring some home to Todd. They are made by their youngest daughter right there on the farm using the milk from their goats – the best. I was also super excited to see one of my former 2nd graders who I hadn’t seen since I taught her. This has become a family business, and she is the oldest of their 3 daughters. They were all there that day, so I got to say hello to the whole family including their baby goats. I definitely recommend that you follow them on social media. Their posts will bring a smile to your face. If you are able, attend one of their events or sign up for a private tour; you will not be disappointed. It was easy to embrace every moment of that morning. Very few, if any, distractions got in my way of this wonderful experience.
Gentle Pilates, then playing with the goats and touring the farmFallen Oak Farm
Attending that event and speaking at the Ladies’ Tea were just a few things I had going on in April. Todd and I also went to Texas for our niece Taylor and Cody’s wedding. Todd officiated the ceremony, and it was a perfect day. It was great being with Peggy, Tracy, Taylor, Cody, and Alex. Caleb and Kylie flew in for the wedding as well, so it was a bonus to spend time with them. The only downside was that we couldn’t stay longer. When I returned home, I was interviewed by the JOY FM for one of their Joy Stories. It won’t come out until October (breast cancer awareness), but that was a super cool experience. I was also a guest on the “Our Journey to Hope” podcast which should be out in a few weeks. I have been on that podcast before, but Dave wanted to talk to me about what I’ve been doing on Amazon.
Interview with the JOY FMCody & Taylor’s Wedding
Lately, I have really enjoyed creating journals, coloring books, etc. and selling them on Amazon. I stick to things I know or love: early education, reading, coloring, and of course cancer. (I don’t love cancer, but I sure do know a little bit about it.) This summer, I plan to publish a book which will be comprised of my first 10 years as a cancer thriver. I’m excited about that and think it will be a good way to celebrate living a decade with cancer. If you’d like, you can check out my author page at amazon.com/author/beckybeggs.
Some of the items I have created
I will have scans again at the end of this month. There have been different areas on my ribs that they are following closely, so I will meet with the oncology radiologist after my scans to see if the spots are cancerous or something else. It will be a long day, but I like knowing my results on the same day as my scans. That way I don’t have to try and figure out the meaning from my patient portal. I know I’m not the only one who does that – goes into full doctor mode without the slightest bit of education or knowledge to interpret the radiologist’s report. But I don’t have a lot of patience to wait for my appointment either. I’ll take the long day and knowing.
That’s all I have for now.
My life is an open book; join me for the next chapter…
“I don’t know how you do it!” It’s something we all say, right? We say it to a new mom who just had twins, we say it to someone who has a high-powered job and is under a lot of pressure, we say it to a workout enthusiast who just completed their third triathlon, and we say it people who are dealing with an illness. Of course, when people say it to me, I’m thinking, “If I want to stick around for a while, I don’t have many other options.” or, “I don’t know how I do it either.” However, I remember that I also say this to people, so I smile and say, “You would do it, too. You just haven’t had to.” It did get me thinking though. For almost ten years I’ve had chemo every three weeks. Some of the drugs didn’t have bad side effects; some of the drugs make me feel horrible. The chemo I’m on now (Enhertu) is a super effective drug, and I have been having wonderful results. But after approximately 7-10 days post-chemo, I feel yucky: nauseous, fatigued, achy, no appetite, nothing tastes good to drink, mouth sores, etc. The longer I am on this drug, the longer it is taking me to recover. My thoughts began to race, (as they do when I feel the need to write coming on) prompting me to question how exactly I have made it these past nine and a half years.
In no particular order, here is what I have done to cope while living with Metastatic (Stage IV) Breast Cancer:
Guidance Counselor – At first, I was able to continue working. That was helpful in coping.
Deep Dive into Scripture – Before I went on disability, I didn’t have the time I really wanted to devote to Bible study. Now I do have the time, and this has been very fulfilling. I will start with one study which leads me down a rabbit hole onto many other things I would like to study in the future. I do a daily devotional, a daily bible reading, and just good old-fashioned study of the scriptures. What a blessing this has been in my life. It is one of my favorite coping mechanisms by far.
Ladies’ Class – I teach the morning ladies’ class for my church. I was a teacher for many years and really miss it. I never saw myself teaching adults, but no one else signs up to take over. Until they get tired of listening to me, I will continue teaching. I love the weekly get together with my sisters. I gain a ton of insight from them as well as encouragement. I know I have a special group praying for me and cheering me on.
Volunteer at Creekside Church of Christ – Along with the above, I am involved in teaching Sunday School, FriendSpeak, and Hope Closet. I teach upper elementary students during the spring quarter each year. Like I said, I miss teaching, and this is a fun and needed way to fill that void. FriendSpeak is a program where we help people in the community with English as a second language practice their speaking skills. I take the calls and match the person who needs practice with one of our volunteers. I work at Hope Closet one evening every 6 weeks. We provide food, toiletries, and other household items to those in the community who have fallen on hard times. All of these ministries give me a purpose and help me to know that I still have a place.
Connections – I do my very best to nurture the relationships in my life. There is not a week that goes by when I am not meeting someone for coffee, brunch, or lunch. I text with my friends and family to check-in or facetime those who live further away. I am more likely to travel now to visit family than I was before.
Learn New Skills – I have wanted to crochet for some time now but never learned. I decided it was time to try. What I thought would take about two weeks to master took me a year, but I did not give up. I pressed the rewind and play on YouTube videos quite often. I’m still practicing new stitches and new designs, but I love that I can now sit and crochet while listening to an audiobook, podcast, or watching TV. I am not finished learning new things. I go on YouTube to see what is new with paper crafting, wreath making, etc. and am always up for a good challenge.
Make & Send Cards – I love sending handwritten cards through snail mail. Even better is sending a homemade handwritten card. It makes me happy to create something. It makes me even happier to know an unexpected card will cheer someone up.
Prayer – My prayer life has strengthened over the years. The one thing that I can point to that has definitely helped me is the use of a prayer journal. It is nothing fancy. I basically put notebook paper in a binder and write out my prayers. It keeps my mind from wandering and makes it easier for me to focus on what I am saying to God.
Chemo Bags – I started making bags of self-care items to hand out to other patients on my chemo days. I never realized what a mission this would become. As others heard about what I was doing, they would give me money to put towards products to go into the bags. Other people would donate items from their businesses, handmade items, or items from my Amazon wish list. It is such a privilege to think about these women while making the bags and then again when I’m handing them out at Moffitt. I know it is not where any of us want to be, so surprising other patients not only perks up their days, but it blesses my day.
Creating on the Computer – This is a recent coping strategy. I have started making journals, planners, notebooks, etc. on the computer. The goal is to sell them on Amazon, but really, I just enjoy the process of making them.
Books – I have improved my reading game. I am also part of a book group. I like the book group because it introduces me to books that I would not have picked up on my own. I read different genres: non-fiction, fiction, biographies, historical fiction (my favorite), fantasy… When I say read, I mean read or listen. Now that my focus is all over the place and my vision is not always clear, listening is easier and more practical. I love what I can learn from books as well as the escape they provide.
Podcasts – Listening to podcasts has become my go-to. I have a variety of shows I follow, but there are a few that I listen to faithfully. I love the ClutterBug podcast by Cas Aarssen. She motivates me to work around the house. I also listen to cancer, current events, spiritual, and just fluff podcasts.
Checking in on Other Cancer Patients – It is nice to take the focus off myself and my illness and be able to encourage others. I have friends who ask if they can give out my number to people who have been recently diagnosed. I text and talk on the phone with people from all over – answering questions if I’m able, encouraging them when needed, and listening to them.
The House – I have never been the best homemaker or very organized. I have started to declutter areas of our house when I have the energy to do so. It makes me feel productive and better about myself. I am also getting rid of unwanted items, so the house is looking better, too.
Journal/Blog – Journaling helps me to process my feelings and thoughts. It is cathartic. I do not write every day, week, or month, but when something keeps popping on my mind, it helps to get it out. I don’t cry often because of my medication, and that used to be my release. Now my release comes through writing.
This is not an extensive list, but these areas in my life have helped me cope with my illness. They help me when “I don’t know how I am going to do it.” I hope you all are well. I would love to hear what coping skills you use when you are going through difficult times.
Side Note: Woah! I just reread my list and I do not like how it sounded. “I do this and I do that and I do this and I do that…” I feel like it sounds braggy. I want to make sure you know that I am not trying to brag in any way.
My life is an open book; join me for the next chapter…
Happy New Year! What a year 2023 was! Todd and I started the year a bit stressed and chaotic and that’s pretty much how the year went and ended for us. I’m not complaining; each peak and especially valley brought me closer to my Creator. How could I ever complain about that? Twenty-twenty-three brought many changes. Caleb and Kylie moved to the opposite coast, and I learned that I could survive with them living in CA. It helped that they settled in so quickly – they found a church home, made friends, went from an apartment to a beautiful home on base, and they entertain frequently. Kylie got the hostessing bug from her Aunt Kim and she does it so well. Luke started the PA program at the University of Tampa about the same time Ashton graduated from USF. She got a great job and now has the privilege of supporting Luke for the next 2 years as he finishes school. She thinks of it as an investment in her future. I think she’s right. I had my first great-niece, Reah Belle Ono, and it has been so fun watching her grow and seeing Ryoji & Annah as parents. For never wanting to be married or have kids, Annah has taken to her new roles naturally; she is such a good wife and momma. My kiddos aren’t quite ready for that step yet; however, Todd and I will be happily waiting for when they are.
DTI Food Service (Todd & Derek’s company) had some real valleys this past year. If you own your own business, I’m sure you can relate on some level. The year started with them needing another inspection for a certification in food safety. They didn’t have a lot of time to get ready and it’s very expensive. In comes the stress. They did pass the inspection and now they have the highest certification in food safety, etc. (I’m not sure what the actual name of the certification is, but I know it has something to do with food safety.) Anyway, that was good but that didn’t solve all their problems. Towards the end of the year, they were approached with an excellent opportunity that they have taken advantage of. Things are still stressful and chaotic but exciting. We see God working and know He’s about to do big things for DTI in 2024.
My health has been steady. I’m still on the same chemo, Enhertu. I’ve been on it going on four years now which is astounding. I was able to participate in “Portraits of Hope” at Moffitt in October where several of the breast cancer patients were able to tell their stories. It was a special event, and I was honored to participate. My last scans showed some activity in my lungs to watch on follow-up tests and 2 spots on my ribcage. My ribs had really been hurting for about 3 weeks prior to the scans. I met with a radiologist who was going to do spot radiation; however, he met with the original radiologist who read my scans and they decided to wait on the treatment. They aren’t completely sure that it’s not just a healing fracture. (My ribs seem to easily fracture these days without any reason.) I was glad they didn’t want to jump right into treatment especially if I didn’t need it. I’ll have scans again in February, and we’ll take it from there. I love how doctors at Moffitt all collaborate. I am in such good hands there. I can give you the peachy version, and I try to stay positive as much as I can, but it gets hard being sick. It is exactly one week from when I had chemo, and today is the first day I haven’t felt weak and nauseous. I don’t always take a week to feel better, but it’s getting longer and longer each time – or it feels like that anyway. Caleb and Kylie have been home for the holidays, and I don’t feel like I have been able to enjoy them the way I should. There is always a sense of guilt in being sick. I let household chores go, I let myself go, and I can’t help others the way I should be helping. I guess I feel like I should be doing more. I should be more present and able to stay out later with my friends and family. I shouldn’t get tired so easily. I should be able to do what other people my age are doing. Ugh – it gets frustrating. Enough of that…
Like I said, Caleb and Kylie were home for a week and a half. We got to enjoy them for both Christmas and the New Year. Talk about a great Christmas present! They got in around midnight the Friday before Christmas. If feels like yesterday a group of us were waiting at the Fox and Hound to greet them and, just like that, they were gone back to Cali. Even though the time seemed to fly by, I can still hear the laughter. I can still see the eyes that glisten with happy tears. I can still feel the warmth of the hugs, and I can still see the expressions on their faces because the crazy lady with chemo brain (me) did or said something eye-roll worthy. Best of all, I can still feel the love between parents and children, grandparents and grandchildren, siblings, in-laws, and friends. It was wonderful, and the memories will forever be etched on my heart and in my mind. This momma’s heart is full!
I want to tell you a story that has taken me a long time to process. Really, I’m still trying to process it. We were at Jon and Kim’s house for Christmas dinner; Todd was already at work. I started to walk into the kitchen just before we were about to leave to make Todd a plate of food for the next day. When I walked into the kitchen, there was Todd picking at the food on the counter. I was so confused. Work has been extremely busy lately, so there is no way he’d leave the warehouse. I asked him what he was doing there, and he replied that they told him he HAD to come over for at least 30 minutes. Kim told us to go sit on the fireplace. I had no idea what was going on. Everyone came inside and was standing around to watch. Now, I’m not a shy person, but I was starting to feel a bit self-conscious. Todd and I were really baffled. Lea, Kylie’s grandma, started to talk. She said that she had been thinking about all the chemo bags I have given out, but wondered, “Who ever gives Becky a chemo bag?”. She called Kim, and Kim said that she had been thinking about that as well. They decided to get others involved, and Lea, Kim, Kylie, and Hailey started sending out messages explaining that they wanted to give me a chemo bag. At this point, I was expecting a regular size tote bag; the size that I give out, filled with lotions and things like that. Well, of course the Polizzi’s and the Harris’s don’t do anything unless it’s done big and beautifully. The kids started bringing in baskets and a crate filled with gifts. There was a smaller basket filled with cards that contained gifts in them as well. Another couple, who wants to remain anonymous, pulled us aside and gave us a gift that was completely unexpected. I continued to receive things throughout the week. I was overwhelmed to say the least. I was speechless, and if you know me at all, I’m not one that’s short on words. It was one of the most humbling experiences. I am still trying to wrap my head around it all – why me? Why do people love and care so much for Todd and me? Why would Lea, Kim, Hailey, Kylie, and others work so hard to put this together in such a short amount of time for me? Why are Lea, Kim, and God so good to me? It blows my mind! I am still overwhelmed, speechless, and humbled. I cry when I think about it. I love making and handing out chemo bags at Moffitt. It makes my chemo day brighter and hopefully makes the recipients’ days brighter. I love and appreciate every person who donates monetarily and by giving items to put in my bags. I couldn’t do this mission without those generous individuals. But to receive one myself? WOW! And it wasn’t a chemo BAG; it was an extraordinary gesture of love and giving spirits that will encourage me through all my chemo days. I am still in awe. God used those individuals to show His love. I had been praying fervently about a situation, and God used them to answer my prayer in a far more creative and elaborate way than I ever could have thought of myself. If you were a part of this, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my overflowing heart.
In 2023, even during the valleys – especially during the valleys – I learned to have more peace and less panic. I learned to have more dependence on God and less desperation and fear. Actually, it’s taken 52 years, but I finally learned how to put into practice giving it all to God and fully relying on and trusting in Him. He is good; He is answering my prayers; and repeatedly, He is proving to be faithful to His promises. Of course, I slip up and fall into panic mode, but I’m quicker to fall to my knees and ask Him to increase my faith, forgive my doubt, and take my concerns back again.
I’m not one for resolutions, but in 2024, I’d like to write more. It’s cathartic for me, but with the crazy year (or two) that we’ve had, I got out of the habit. I’d also like to start my days with a walk. That would have so many benefits for me, but, again, I’ve gotten out of the habit. My good friend, Bobby, told me to quit talking about it and start doing it! He’s my accountability and cancer buddy for sure. I pray that God will heap blessings on you and your families in the new year. I hope that you will find something for which to be thankful in each day. I wish, for me and you, that we put our phones down a little more and appreciate the beauty in nature and the beauty in people all around us. I want us to be less about social media and more about nurturing face-to-face friendships with those in our lives. My desire is for you to have good health, make great memories, and get to know God better in 2024. Much love to you and yours.
My life is an open book; join me for the next chapter…
Stage 4 is Just a Number ~ Becky’s Blog 